Receiving gifts

So what are we supposed to do when we are given gifts that aren't in line with our beliefs?

On December 25th, I had a visit from a dear friend of mine and her husband who I haven't seen, besides chance meetings on the street with her, in the past two years.

They came bearing gifts.

A small polish ham.

And a bottle of white wine.

O_o

What am I supposed to do?

On the one hand, it's kind of odd as these are things at complete odds with what is written in the Qur'an.

On the other hand: I feel it incredibly rude to reject a gift given in good faith (ha ha) and with all best intentions.

I solved the problem as the following day, I had visitors arrive who were lodging for a week. And they eat everything.

What do you do when given a gift you know you will not use? For religious reasons, or due to allergy or other reason? (even before reverting, I didn't particularly like ham...)

This ties into the question of what would you do when served food you would normally not eat. This is assuming that the person is ignorant of your faith-based eating habits. What is the appropriate reaction, has this happened to you in the past and how did you deal with it and what was the result?

Inquiring minds want to know...

Holidays (holydays)

So this, being my first year as a Muslim, am not going to be able to do everything  perfectly (who can ever achieve perfection, it's time for your ascension...), but after much debating about it, I gave in and put up the Tree this year... "Shirk!" I hear some cry! Well, really? Is it really?!

This smacks of the language police  in Quebec, who are most famous for the debacle of fining a chinese restaurant for having chinese only signs (you know the ones, hand written on 81/2x11 sheets of paper and taped to the window?) Well, very often those signs are not offered in English, let alone French and the law states that all signs in Quebec must be at least twice the size in French than in foreign languages. Even in a Chinese Restaurant...

While researching the matter, I came to the conclusion that it couldn't possibly be Shirk: for the following reasons:

1) Shirk (idolatry) is making partners with God, so unless I actually connect the tree with some sort of Pagen god of trees, or celebrate it with the purpose of stating that I believe Jesus was separate from God in some way: [I am going to have to do a piece on the trinity one of these days - but perhaps I'll go talk to a scholar who is better versed in theology of Christianity than I to describe better the concept of the trinity as actually being one God: like the 99 attributes of Allah doesn't mean that Allah is split into 99 parts, just those are ways trying to understand Allah: so it is, from my meagre understanding, with the Holy Trinity (all God, no filler)] there is no way in heck this could be considered idolatry.

2) The tree doesn't originate from Christianity. It was adopted from an early tradition of hanging boughs of evergreens over one's door and having a decorated tree in the Winter Solstice (21st of Dec.) to be a sign of life when all the rest of the earth was dead (nee: sleeping). In ancient times, people thought it kept the spirits of the dead at bay.

3) The tree is simply a matter of aesthetics now. It's culture & It's lasting as a family tradition. In future, inshallah, should I be married, then I will have more support on how to celebrate the Eid festivals. And if not, then I shall have to learn these things on my own, albiet it will be more difficult...

My daughter can enjoy the best of both worlds: that of an agnostic Christmas and the proper Islamic holidays with me. She will grow up with the best of both worlds. In any case, the tree is for decoration, for the change of seasons, for putting presents under which we exchange with love and affection: even though our presents these days tend to be more focused on spending time with each other: taking a family holiday etc.

And here's the thing about traditions and religions (Which are not mutually inclusive, though some seem to mix them all up): I know that if we visit 'back home', we will be invited to Hanukkah with the family who I grew up down the street from. Nothing wrong with that either: It's the same God, and remembering the history of one of God's miracles. What could be possibly wrong with that?

For some reason, there are people who assume that just because one 'holy-day' is celebrated in one religion, that they would be going against their own faith should they celebrate it, or even to say 'Merry Christmas' to someone they know is a Christian. If someone I know who knows I'm now Muslim greets me with 'Eid Mubarak', then that is, to me a sign that they know my beliefs and respect them and only wish me the best. Wishing each other good on holy-days is only a way of celebrating our mutual brother-and sister-hood. It promotes unity and understanding. Why do so many people have a problem with that? That just smacks to me of 'I know better than you, and if you don't do as I say, then you're going to hell!'. Well, it's my understanding that were supposed to end our arguments, as Muslims with 'and only Allah knows best'...

If you are really concerned about committing Shirk, you can always wish people a 'Happy Holiday', which is nondescript enough to be applicable to anyone and for anyone.

I, for one, will not worry about these little things. And I won't follow the 'advice' from someone who doesn't really know about the religion they are criticizing in the first place.

It's hard

Instead of talking about some broad subject that I think has been misunderstood by one person/group or another, I thought it a good idea to get a little more personal. Many people (mostly people who were born Muslim) have asked me about the circumstances surrounding my conversion and although it would make for a good made-for-TV movie script, it seems to me to be less important - this pivotal & transformational moment in my life - than the daily things that have changed, the difficulties I feel I'm facing in completing & the questions I have. My circumstances also dictate the terms of some of the difficulties I'm facing, and aren't necessarially all to do with my new-found faith.

So I guess, this is it: the confessions part.

Since my conversion, I have not prayed every day on time. And there have been some days when it was like pulling teeth just to make myself get up and pray even once, let alone five times. Learning and praying alone has a bit to do with that. And it's easy to say 'go daily to the Masjid, but when you work full time and are a single mother, then that isn't always an option. And there's no Masjid in my neighbourhood. Alhumdulillah, I have had lots of help from my friends, both new and old, who are there to help with anything I need when I ask: pronounciation, help with memorization, and in the larger Mosque in the area, when I do go, there is always a sister there who will help me with repetition and will teach me more of the chanting method of recitation, which is something that always seems to soothe my soul. I am thankful that this point seems to get easier with time, but even on the days when nothing seems to work, I can come back to my prayer mat, refocus, chant and bow my head, acknowledging 'I know you will not forget me, and I promise to remember you'.

The rest is less a confession and more of a 'I don't know how to handle this' statement.

Ramadan: to be honest, I didn't have too much trouble fasting this past year. My friends teased me a bit saying 'why didn't you wait until after Ramadan to convert? You could make it easy on yourself? Well, what can I say? When our Lord told me to do this, in not so many words, my first thought was not to ask God 'oh, the timing is bad, could we take this issue up in a couple months? ;-) What was difficult on Ramadan (and all the other holidays) is simply the unfamiliarity with the traditions. What is the meaning of it all? OK, the general meaning of Ramadan I think I understand, but then there is the festival Eid...I have so many things to read, I don't think I'll get through the list before the rapture (if I live that long). Anyway, my point is that during Eid, I really hadn't a clue of what I was supposed to do. Unfortunately my friends had been invited with other's to eat, so leaning on them was not an option this time.

Speaking of Eid, what am I supposed to do with my Child? I have the feeling that it will be fine to introduce children of new converts to these traditions in a group, but not to try and make them accept these things at home all at once. We have traditions ourselves, and so I am putting up a tree, not with the intention of committing blasphemy (and to be honest, I think alot of people make too big a deal out of this - the belief in one's heart is not reflected by the clothes they wear nor what decorations they decide to put up in winter. Naturally, I don't use crosses, but then again, I never did: I always thought that sort of thing was gory, and possible wholey inaccurate. Plus, there is a whole sect who celebrates the birthday of Mohammed (PBUH), so why shouldn't people celebrate the birthday of Prophet Jesus (PBUH)? (Nevermind that some biblical historians think he was born in the summer). Tradition. Hum.

Then there is the matter of love and 'half our deen' and all that good stuff. I'm a single mother.

I'm divorced, not old, not young: still have some good eggs in me and lots of love to share: would love to procreate once more but I'm not willing to just marry the first one that's 'good enough' that comes along. Not that there is anything wrong with getting married for stability, but I need love: and I need to be understood, and I worry that my cultural background will cause difficulties in finding a Muslim husband: and I understand the rules laid out about marriage, but I'm not a child anymore and if I mutually fall in love with even an Athiest, who is respectful of my faith and beliefs, and allows our child to be raised with me in prayer, then I don't think I will pass up the chance for happiness. However, if you know of a nice, single Muslim man who could handle an inquisitive, sharp, intelligent, sometimes judgemental, loving, passionate and dedicated new convert, please feel free to let me know ;-)

And that's it for now... until the next installment... Wasalam u alikum

May God bless and protect you.

Food

An English idiom proclaims: 'You are what you eat.'

I have had a number of thoughts regarding food the last months: well, to be honest, I think more and more about food as I grow older and more interested in issues of health with regards to one's diet, but conversely want to keep a balance: not to become obsessed with diet like I observe some to be.

So when it comes to eating in an Islamic manner as suggested, I have discovered a whole host of viewpoints ranging from the indifferent to the obsessed (that is my perception).

The matter of certain things we are not allowed to eat seems, on the face of it, pretty clear.

But on researching the matter further, I was alarmed to see that the 'rules' according to some are so convoluted that the average person would have to carry a guidebook with them to the supermarket to do their shopping.

To elucidate, here is a list I found of e-numbers and the halal/haram status of these ingredients:

http://special.worldofislam.info/Food/numbers.html

I can certainly understand the issue of pork-based ingredients: this, to me, seems non debatable.

But when it comes down to the issue of food dyes, for example, here is where I think the issue becomes pedantic.

Pork is simply forbidden, right from the start, whereas alcohol was not banned right away. The reasons against alcohol seem to me to be completely due to the intoxicating nature of the substance. I see all sorts of special alcohol-free products on the market especially for Muslims and some of them aren't even consumable (like perfumes, for example)! It is my understanding that the alcohol used in perfumes isn't even one that is edible.

When it comes to food dyes, many are carried in an alcohol solvent. But what should be the real issue here? would the normal consumption of food dyes ever result in intoxication? How about the spraying of perfume: even in excessive amounts?

To cut a long story short, I found my way pretty easy to resolve the 'problem' by thinking about the intention on the original ban.

Not only that, but my personal habits with food tend to exclude these additives. How so?

1) Why eat something made by a company which is more likely to be interested in turning a profit than in your health? One fabulous example I found was the misnomer of 'Light' or 'healthy' products. I will illustrate this with a mainstay of American convenience food... Campbell's condensed soups.

I compared the label information for many of the chicken noodle soups that Campbell produces, and this is what I found: (yes, I *know* the chicken is probably not halal, but this is an example to elucidate my point on companies having a vested interest in your dollar over your health).

The biggest difference between the 'healthy' versions of the canned chicken noodle soup and the standard, was that the standard had a much higher dose of sodium. The rest of the differences seem rather negligible. Except the double and mega noodle soups have that much more noodle, and hence that much more carbohydrate content=more calories that are designed for immediate use, so use with caution.

One of the slogans on Campbell's website is:

Campbell’s^® soups have nutritious vegetables,
farm-grown ingredients, and delicious taste
to help you along the road to happiness.

'Farm-Grown ingredients'... probably some factory farm using GM wheat  and other veg being sprayed by round-up.

Let's think about GM crops for a minute:

Genetic material is fired into the seed of the plants to give it some property it didn't have before.

This is NOT the same process as making hybrids, where you cross-polinate and let God's design do it's thing. Forget piercing, forget tattoos, forget slitting the ears of cattle... It seems to me that this is the real 'change to God's design' Allah warns about in the Qur'an.

Tell me what you think...
And the preposterous suggestion that some soup is going to increase your happiness level is somehow going to be increased by this industrially produced product shows to what extent the company is willing to go to in order to brainwash you (yes, I really mean this) into buying their product. 

As for the dyes, I cannot see how a product which is transported through an alcohol-based solute could ever damn me to hell or be considered 'immoral' or 'wrong'. And in the end, whether or not you feel it's important to avoid these things, the best food you can make is that which is purchased locally and made from the base ingredients: 'home made', and you are then certain what is in there without having to carry a text book with you to the supermarket.

Shout out to my awesome sisters and brothers

Dispite some garbage going on in my life, I would like to make a short post to the wonderful brothers and sisters in my life, with whom I have been blessed in having some time together with on this earth. There are three sisters in particular for which I have been remembering in my Dua's.

The first is on vacation 'back home'. She grew up between two cultures and she has really studied alot and put much effort into her faith and understanding it. Everytime we have spoken about some difficulty, trial or tribulation, she has had an appropriate Hadith to quote from: and it always resonates as truth. She is much younger than I yet exudes wisdom. She's now pregnant and having a bit of a rought time, so when you pray, may I ask that you remember her and all woman having a difficult pregnancy?

Another sister  of mine has had suffered the last few years with things which I think sometimes I would die from. Death on all sides, other family tragedies, pain-in-the-butt administrative people... and yet she manages to continue on and is always there to smile with me and laugh. Please pray with me for all those who are suffering from grief.

The third is a new convert like me, except her story is slightly different. She was used by a crazy guy who disappeared and ended up marrying some other chick because he was taking the 'half our deed' thing a little too seriously, and he now seems to regret it and still tries to talk to her. She is still on anti-depressants and having difficulty coping, but seems to be finally emerging from the cloud of co-dependancy. Please pray with me for all those who have been too trusting and been discarded. You are the ones who have learned the hard way why we are cautioned not to have sexual relations before marriage. Life is not a game and try to avoid having those in your life who treat it as one.

Unfortunately there are all too many stories of supposedly islamic men doing weird and bizzare anti-islamic things: and even more unfortunate is the fact that humans seem to be  all to willing to focus on the bad and ignore the good, which brings me to my brothers: and you know who you are:

- all those who are good and gentle and understanding and faithful and loving and kind and hard workers etc. You who are quiet and don't cause a ruccus - who put up with all sorts of nonsense and don't complain but just do your bit: make that much more difference in the world.

Sometimes it may seem like someone is trying to shove you into a box, slap a label on you or pigeon-hole you. I pray you will do your best to ignore the idiocratic hate as much as possible and stay true to yourself, and above all, stay true to your faith. It is difficult, but in the end Allah will be there to guide us. And last but not least, I ask you to consider the fact that perhaps all people, proclaimed believers or not, are really your brothers and sisters as well. I believe it would serve us well to treat everyone with the same level of respect. There is no reason to limit your contact with people of other faiths, for what are you afraid of? That you will be mislead? If you are secure in your faith, then nothing can damage it. If we do hurtful things to one another, it is only because we are afraid of something - and that something cannot hurt us more than we can hurt ourselves.

So my concrete prayer today: let us be gentle with one another and not forget that we are all islands in the stream...

I wish you pleasent days and restful nights.

One of the most difficult hurdles for me...

So there I was: with my family, visiting another city, being given a tour by a local: a friend of a friend... and he asked what we wanted to see, and we mentioned a few things, and in addition to the tourist destinations on the itinerary, I also listed the main mosque of that city and the friend of a friend chuckled and said "Why? do you want to become Muslim? (ha ha)"

:-(

Now more than my dislike of his insensitive and unenlightened comment, I dislike my reaction to it even more.

My weak reply was simply 'I have heard that it is very beautiful'.

This reply was weak, as I did not feel like speaking the entire truth. And it was not because I felt any shame in my new found faith, but it was because I already felt under attack by his 'joke'. How am I to know what his reaction would have been since I did not even have the courage to say 'well, no: because I am already Muslim'. The reaction to such a statement could have been anything, from fear to disgust to simple surprise, however I will not know what his reaction would be until I am in a similar situation with the same person, which is highly unlikely...

So what lesson have I learned from this?

I hope that when in similar circumstances I will not be silent, nor will I make a mistake in the opposite direction and lash out. I pray that God will give me the strength to state the facts as they are and reveal my faith to those capable of understanding. Whether or not they do understand is another matter entirely, but at a minimum I should hope that their world view will be shaken enough for them to question, if even slightly, what they consider to be the 'natural order of things'.

I think that is what happened to me: my persistent naivete that educated persons are also somehow also enlightened... it simply is not true. In addition, I learned that I need to prepare myself for situations such as these, so I can answer to such ignorance with tranquility and Love... and allow myself to be the tool through which Allah's will may flow. Above all, I pray that I may set a good example, and this is the most difficult of all the duties to fulfill.

As always, I welcome you to share your experiences and offer whatever wisdom and advice you may have on this matter...

The Rights...

So today I had a huge debate with a brother about the misconception that women who dress in mini-skirts and the like do NOT deserve, nor should expect to be treated badly or called whores... His comment 'if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen... that women who dress like that should not be surprised to be harassed. In Europe, and all western countries , there are women who are harassed for wearing the hijab. So why is it so difficult for people in both the west and the east to see that these two phenomenon are one and the same and neither should be condoned?

Thankfully, there were other brothers around to help me translate what I was trying to say for his benefit. When I say translate, I mean into 'man' language because he wasn't understanding it the way I was trying to explain it. The nicest thing about the whole debate is that everyone was polite and considerate when presenting their arguments. One is not always that blessed.

So: today's topic, should you not have already guessed, is the treatment of women, specifically in Islam.

Years ago I worked for two Muslim doctors, at seperate times and it was pure chance that they both (gynaecologists) happened to be Muslim. I was pretty ignorant about Islam at the time but they always struck me in their convictions and actions as being very gentle and morally grounded people. One of our patients taught me my first lesson in Islam. She said there were misconceptions due to misinterpretation of particular texts (sound familiar, any of you bible readers?). She cited a passage where it is said that a man is to treat his woman as he does his fields. The uneducated (read: ignorant or misogynistic), she said, take this to mean that the woman is her property to do with as he will, where as the educated (read: enlightened, respectful) man will know that if he neglects his fields, nothing will grow and he will become hungry and may starve.

***Think, and think again...***

I also learned in that time that Muslims don't all agree on everything. Where as Dr. Nr. 1 didn't believe at all in abortion, Dr. Nr. 2 would perform them up until 8 weeks on the claim that the soul didn't enter the body until 8 weeks gestation. As it happens, I had an abortion whilst working for Dr. Nr. 1 and when I told him he was completely non-judgemental. I was harder on myself. I ended up marrying the man I was with at the time, and he came and held my hand through the procedure, but to be honest, after having gone through it once I cannot imagine ever wanting to do that again. I HATED myself after that. I was upset that the so-called counselling I received was 'are you certain'? *Five minutes* is not enough to understand the gravity of such a decision. I had based my decision on the fact that I had only been with this man for three months and we weren't married and I was too young etc. Plus, we in the 'Liberal West' are raised with doctrines like 'her body, her choice'. In retrospect, there was no danger of the potential child being raised in poverty... and it wasn't a worry that my life would be inconvenienced (the charge of so many anti-abortionists when they are attacking anyone who has made that choice): I was just deathly afraid of this new and unplanned element in my life and didn't take time or consult my family about what I should do. Having the abortion is the one true regret I have in my life. Now, does this back up the claim that abortion has no place in an Islamic context? Theoretically, yes. See my statement on theory a little further on. The *social* issues in any culture first have to be addressed and then we can believe there is no 'need' for abortions.

For anyone of you who follows American politics, did you ever think it was ironic that Liberals support the right to Abortions yet oppose the death penalty, and Conservatives only care about the unborn (and to quote George Carlin 'They'll do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvF1Q3UidWM) and want to kill anyone they think has perpetrated a heinous enough crime, neve rmind that they may have been wrongly convicted?

And, to return to the original topic, the treatment of women in Islam.

Just like any theory, it is wonderful on paper, but when implemented, the practice ranges from 'excellent' to 'despicable'. Of course, the press never focuses on the success stories. Happy people don't sell as many papers or advertising slots as the oppressed or those suffering tragedy. I suspect that it has about the same statistical 'success rate' as in other faiths, depending on the adherence to the Qur'an or not. In an ideal Muslim partnership, each partner respects and supports the other. Traditionally, in Muslim based countries, the man is the breadwinner, and responsible for the whole family... mother and sisters included. Hence the unequal division of inheritance. But like all other societies holding these 'traditional views', nothing could be further from the truth. Women in all societies have worked outside the home at one time or another and continue to do so. They have done so to make sure there was food on the table and all other necessities were fulfilled, and perhaps for a bit of luxury. For those equally divided households, why not uphold the equality of the people, both male and female?

Reminding each other of our duties and responsibilities is one way in which we can improve things within our own communities.

A small but vocal minority of Muslims are also starting to speak out against the practice of circumcision. This is something confined only to the Hadiths & Sunnah and not even all of the ones on the topic of hygiene. There are many countries who have banned female 'genital mutilation' and for good reason: the most severe versions are horrific to even think about. But something was pointed out to me, and I have been unable to forget it ever since. Not only does circumcision, male or female, not appear in the Qur'an, but there are many passages which speak out against the practice entirely. Allah says quite clearly that he has created us in the 'most perfect of forms' and we are forbidden to alter Allah's creation, even the cutting of cattle's ears is not permitted, so why do some Muslims protest against tattoos and say it's forbidden, yet have no problem in permanently altering the sexual organs of their children? If you have any theories or comments, I welcome them, but I would appreciate it if you can restrain yourself to polite and thought out correspondence.

In the meantime, as a whole, we Muslims have a long way to go in the stride for all HUMAN RIGHTS. Not just that of women or men or children. And all societies are struggling with their own daemons. I suggest that the first step to solving our problems is to stop pointing the finger at other countries and cultures and start owning the problems closest to home, and only then can we think about making the world a better place. The best way to preach is to live by example. I pray all of you have success in presenting the  best way to live through your actions and words. May you be safe and fed and warm and your sleep be peaceful and your days filled with happiness.

Wasalam u alikum
The peace of the Lord be with you